Author: Valerie Fajotina

What is “PCR”?

“It Was The Best of Times, It Was The Worst Of Times”
– Every Guardian of Toddler
PCR: Parent-Child Relationship

Did you know…The strength of PCRs are said to affect the strength of your keiki’s social, physical, mental, and emotional health?

It’s true. Furthermore, each keiki developmental stage has it’s own theme for these PCR affected aspects regarding overall health.

PCR During Toddlerhood
Is most efficient & helpful when focused on shaping your toddler’s behavior insocial settings via patient/ nurturing guidance in .
Keiki Pa’ani provides ‘Ohanas with a very comfortable setting to gently nurture PCR with your toddler.
Perspective: Try the following assessment twice.
First time from your perspective and Second time from your child’s.
As always: Aloha and Much Mahalo for your time and support.

Why is my toddler so emotional??

Short Answer: That’s the only way they know how to answer. We are born with emotions, not logic. Logic takes a lifetime to develop.

From birth to about 3 years old your toddler is producing 700 NEW neural neurons EVERY SECOND. YIKES!

So the next time your keiki goes from asking for a snack politely to throwing it on the ground the next second  here’s my advice:

Don’t take it personally and DO NOT ASK THEM “WHY?” You’ll just get more flustered lol because they don’t know why. Instead Try This:

1. Step back.
2. Acknowledge & allow them to feel safe enough to feel that emotion.
3. Let them grow a few more neurons and a few seconds later they’ll most likely remember they actually did want that snack 😉

As always: Aloha and Much Mahalo for your time and support.

Is there really always a positive?

“I expected more”

 

This was verbatim what I read for my first negative review. My first instinct was to literally laugh out loud (LLOL), so I did. Then? I was pissed!

 

My thoughts ran the gamut of all negative perspectives:

Who do people think they are?

Lets see you try to do better!

-Insert every bad word- please, you don’t even know what you’re talking about…

Say it to my face you -insert new bad words no one ever heard of before-!

 

Then…

I calmly, and politely responded to the review and was disgusted with myself as I offered my services to this person again. When I clicked reply to finalize my response -after many, and Imean MANY edits- I immediately re-read my response to make sure I didn’t black out and accidentally type something I wasn’t supposed to. But as I re-read my reply a few times, something changed. I decided there was an Aloha Angel looking out for me because I was actually rather pleased with my calm composure exuding through the virtual text.

To this day I’m not quite sure what the lesson was here. However, my tummy feels like I’m millimeters away from the target when I remember a small piece of advice from one of my MANY Audibles – You can’t, and should never feel obligated to, please everyone.

 

Keiki Pa’ani may not cater to every mom’s expectations, but I give every extra ounce of energy I can muster to make this work and to offer this space to moms like me, and for keiki like mine. So is there really always a positive amongst even some of the things that strike the center of your heart and soul purpose? What do I believe? Yes. Because now I am stronger and my skin is thicker than it was before. And? Keiki Pa’ani, LLC is still slowly but surely gaining strength and admiration in MY community. This was, after all my goal. What more could I ask for?

-Val

I can’t even!

People who know me know me know that I will exhaust all my energy in order to find and maintain a balance in everything I am involved with. In my life currently, that means most of my balancing act goes toward ensuring I am as fair as a Wifey and Mommy as I could possibly ever be. According to me, of course, this is my top quality. Then again, it has its downfalls like… around 8:15pm nearly every night I’ve quite literally exhausted every ounce of energy I have in me required for that Mommy Patience badge of honor I wear.

So come 8:16pm, you could bet that I’m lashing out with Big Mean Mom Eyes, Huffing and Puffing until the boys get the picture that it’s time to record scratch the rowdiness.

Maybe this isn’t the greatest parenting skill I have but I’m not sure I’ll really ever change it because for my keiki… it works. Plain and Simple. I don’t hide it; our pala (Hawai’i Pidgin for living room) windows have sheer curtains and, because I live on ‘Oahu and most houses are super close together, I can usually hear my Buddhist neighbor from my bedroom chanting throughout the day. I can see and hear things outside my home and for the most part, the inside of our home is only mildly contained in privacy. We have nothing to hide.

The parenting point is: I’ve never thought to feel either “free” or “restricted” to parent in my way or any other certain way, and I’ve never hid it. Apparently I missed the memo about feeling so self-entitled that we as moms are allowed to publicly shame other’s parenting ideas/ skills.

I’m not oblivious though.

I know that there hot buttons amongst parents but I when I typed in “Top Parenting Hot Topics” I was floored. Some of the topics on these lists are shameful. I’m sure there may be SOME interesting fact or ethical undertone to some of these more embarrassing topics but come ON. I thought once you have a kid you start to realize A Momma’s Gott Do What A Momma’s Gotta Do! (Speaking of Ethics adding it to my learning list.)

Now I’m looking back on our Fourth of July day at Kahala Beach and wonder if the moms there looked at me or maybe even forced themselves not to look at me when I popped my sons little wet booty with a quick but effective slap for throwing a bucket full of water at one of their kids. They kept saying it’s ok but I didn’t really know that I should care enough to let what they wanted from me to interrupt the lesson i was teaching my son.

Now, those parents all around had some pretty good vibes so I doubt they judged me at all but what if that day different parents showed up?

Would I have been in jail right now because someone else made the decision for me that my parenting skill for teaching safety and respect regarding a bucket full of water and another toddlers face is —dun-dun-duuuun— flawed?

Love and Safety – that’s it, thats all we parents should seriously care about when it comes to others parenting skills. Is the child loved and is the child safe? You bet your A$$ that I have called the cops to tattle-tale on parents with keiki running back and forth in a moving vehicle.

Other than that, as long as you’re doing your best to love and keep your keiki safe, I GOT YOU MOMMA!

Here are some of the SMDH topics I’ve come across

1. When to stop breastfeeding

2. Deciding to keep with your career after becoming a mom

3. Circumcision

4. How far apart to have keiki

5. Rewarding with allowance

6. Big kids in strollers

7. How old a child is in months versus years

8. When exactly to give baby solid food…

Gotta stop there or my head just might spin. If you’re a momma who’s got other momma’s backs, please join us at Keiki Pa’ani 🙂

And of course, A Hui Hou and leave your comments below! 😉

Is it ever too late to keep learning?

Recently I wrote a list of the things I wish were “normal” things to learn about in the Institution of American Education. Maybe its silly but honestly I would give anything to have a head start on most of this list instead finding little pockets of time to piece together some of these topics all while juggling learning about living life in general.

1. Taxes (Purpose and Process)

2. Giving & receiving constructive criticism

3. Self acceptance/ self trust

4. Healthy Daily Self Habits: Journaling / meditation/ self-reflection

5. Hand writing / print

6. How to be an effective member of a group (not just be stuck in a group by a teacher)

7. Relevant research skills that can be adapted as information delivery/ technology evolve

8. Understanding Habits (creating and breaking)

9. Diets and Food Systems from around the world

10. Ergonomics

11. Efficiency / Organization

12. Recognizing Emotions and all the different types there are

13. Hygiene/ Cleaning (because for some reason not everyone knows about these things)

14. Nurturing from an absolutely NON Gender biased perspective

15. Beauty in everything / looking at everything from a different perspective, maybe even the opposite – what would the good side of procrastination be? Or the good side of an argumentative child.

16. Practical finances – I kind of remember this in elementary but then nothing after that to really instill the importance of it.

17. Retirement plans and typical sneaky schemes people/ companies try to pull

18. Geography like real geography not just the capitals of the US or the names of the continent. There are significances in a country’s role and existence based on their location on our Earth.

19. General Real Estate market principals, and maybe even the typical steps of buying a house?

20. General Stock market

21. General Safety including the Internet

22. Activities/ Sports where more than just the sport itself is the focus – learn about it’s history, it’s worldly/ local significance, current events, job opportunities/ niches, etc.

23. Understanding motivation

24. US Court processing – including Family Court

25. Insurance and medical coverage and the typical process of hospitalization and billing. – and of course sneaky schemes to look out for

I wonder if there is anyone here on ‘Oahu interested in these things like I am…. or if there is anyone willing to teach me/ us about them at Keiki Pa’ani

Please feel free to add to the list, but be sure to explain yourself 😉

Humble Genesis

I wrote the following to bring a little life to my website in Feb of 2018. Little did I know thats literally what a Blog is for {Insert Roll-Eyes-Emoji for being late to the Game of the Internet}… Replacing my old “About”Page with KP Blog (short for Keiki Pa’ani because I’m getting close to tired of typing that out so much).

———————

Aloha everyone 🙂 I decided to write a little about what this is all about because my website was good but it seemed a little lifeless…

My name is Val Fajotina. I’ve lived in beautiful Hawai’i Nei since June of 2007. This was my first and only station as an Air Force veteran. Yes, I may be a transplant but this is my home. On this island, in these Hawaiian waters, I am blessed with the world’s most endearing husband, 3 heart-wrenchingly beautiful children (ages 8, 2, and 3 months), a backyard chicken farm, and a relentless Pocket Pitbull named Rosie Lani.

I was recently inspired to open this business by my own toddler, Koaboy. You see, when my parents take out my toddler (Koaboy) to give me a little break, I feel so bad that the only options for places to take him and let him do the toddler things he likes to do are very (and I mean VERY) limited.

I don’t like my children being overstimulated by coin operated loudness and lights. I prefer bleeding out every last ounce of their energy with things that make them laugh, run, smile, and learn. I like sitting back and watching my kids PHYSICALLY interact with other children face to face. I’m the kind of mom who will let my kids toddler-fight-it-out (within limits) when they are learning how to share, when they are learning how to be around other kids their own age, when they are learning how to present themselves as their own little person in this big world… When I thought about all these things together I realized, there’s no way I’m the only Momma Bear like this… No way. So I want to do something about it.  And with my passion for my current employment running on fumes and a prayer I’m taking a leap of faith.

I want to offer a space for toddlers like mine, and for moms like me. I’m going out on a limb here to open this sort of safer-than-a-beach-but-just-as-fun space which explains why there aren’t regular hours (yet, lol). But I have faith in my community. I have faith that if I invest in their livelihood, they will “invest” in mine, with this space called Keiki Pa’ani. My belly (thats my word for intuition) tells me that this will be good and provide endless opportunities for not only me but for other women/ moms/ parents/ guardians with like minds to break free from the office type of ideas, and to get out of the daily rut we call mom-hood.

Not only do I wish to provide a safe and fun space for toddlers (because by the way I can’t wait to play with them all day, seriously) but I want this Keiki Pa’ani to be a comfortable environment for parents to join together, to meet, to exchange ideas, and to spend time together.

I’ve always been the Mother Hen of my family because I am the oldest of my cousins and siblings… and from the tips of my toes to the ends of my hair I know this is my calling, and I hope you and yours enjoy your experience with us at Keiki Pa’ani…. tell your friends!

I CAN’T WAIT TO MEET YOU! And Much Mahalo for your interest in Keiki Pa’ani.

-Val

Doing it all in Paradise

Never have I ever done nearly anything I’m doing now…

I’ve started a business. Like for real for real this time. Now apparently the next step is to write about it. Its weird though. I never thought I’d be “blogging” but then somethin’ jumped right up and bit me. I’ve checked all the normal small business start up boxes.

  1. Realize you need to change your life drastically.
  2. Listen to many encouraging Audible books ranging from Universal Laws to Healthy Habits.
  3. Epiphany: “finding your passion” is not the answer but identifying what comes naturally to you is your sweet spot.
  4. Research small business start ups… stay pretty confused and un-helped by virtual land.
  5. Get excited on the drive to a local bank with your freshly printed business plan and personally designed logo, with bright red pants and heels so you won’t be forgotten.
  6. Walk out feeling already forgotten with the realization that all normal business start up “help” is positioned to make money off of you trying to make money.
  7. Lesson Number 1: you need money to make money…. and a lot of it.

Or do you? To be honest, yeah you need something… So I’ve taken what I have built up in retirement and home equity and started taking my (at times) nerve-wracking risks. But what plays repeat in my head when I’m looking at all these financial risks? A very very paraphrased conglomerate of lines from one my Audibles “Freely give, Freely receive”. At this point, I’m ok with agreeing with this theme from pretty much any angle. And my trusty Inner-Gump nods in agreement: “Well I figure I run this far, might as well keep goin’…”

And Keiki Pa’ani, LLC was born. If you live on ‘Oahu and you have rambunctious toddlers check out our website or find us on FB, IG and Yelp.

www.keikipaani.com

@keikipaani

#keikipaani

A Hui Hou (Til Next Time) Mahalo (Thank you) for your interest and support…

-Val